Get the most out of your hateful anti-marriage equality rally. The one you'll be embarrassed about in ten years.

Any serious marriage equality opponent needs a sign. Ideally one that makes the president look like the Burger King mascot.


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Bring a hat. Up to 50% of your body heat is lost through the head, and 75% of your irrational hatred.


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Hiding your face in photos is a good strategy, just in case you are on the wrong side of history. (It's a long shot, we know.)


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Recruit young children who don't even understand prejudice yet. That's written in Corinthians, right?


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Avoid cute fonts. To make your bigoted message stand out, you need something bold in all caps.


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Holding up a cross never fails to defeat marriage equality. Just like vampires.


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For clarity's sake, never wave a "Let the People Decide" flag unless you've got another one that says "But Not Gay Ones." 


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If you need someone to back up your argument, bring an invisible friend you can point to.


Photo by Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images