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Keano’s DiaryBy Stephen G Large Arrived at our hotel this...
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Keano’s Diary

By Stephen G Large

 

Arrived at our hotel this morning. Not impressed. The staffare far too pleasant for a start. ‘Enjoy your stay Roy’, don’t tell me what to do! I’ll decidewhether or not I enjoy it. When I got to my room I noticed that they’d left atruffle on my pillow. I rang the reception and asked to speak to the manager. Ileft him under no illusions what I thought about the welcome treat, then I toldhim to remove the chocolates from the rooms of the Irish players and staff.Even Martin’s. We can’t have the players thinking this is some sort of holidaycamp. Typical FAI.

I told Martin I’d be mixing things up in training after the Belarus gameand he agreed. I thought the players needed toughening up. At the beginning ofour session this morning I got the players to form a circle around me and toldthem to attack me. ‘With the ball?’ asked McGeady. ‘No man, I want you all tocome at me’ I replied. Martin stepped in at this point and said we couldn’t affordany injuries and I saw his point. So instead the players spent thirty minutesbreaking planks of woods across my abdomen, to demonstrate the toughnessrequired at this level. John O’Shea said he didn’t have it in him to hitanother man with a weapon. I snatched it out of his hand and broke it over myown head, ‘Take that Keano’ I said.

I imposed a strict 7pmcurfew on the players. At 6.45pmthe players must report back to their rooms. 6.50pm pyjamas on and teeth brushed and then 7pm lights out. I thought I’d watch amovie when I got back to my room. Martin suggested the Lion King but cartoonsare for children and children are weak. The selection of movies was awful. Justwhat you’d come to expect of this hotel. Finally I settled on The Revenant.Didn’t like it. Thought the character in the film should’ve killed the bear alot sooner than he did. Then he made a meal of his injuries, which were mereflesh wounds. Then he lay on his lazy arse in that stretcher and let his teammates carry him for miles. That tells me he’s weak and he lacks character. Ileft an awful review on Rotten Tomatoes.

I heard some of the players whispering to each other likelittle school girls in the next room. Amateur stuff. ‘I’ll teach them a lesson’I thought. So I stuck on a balaclava and took a large knife out of the drawer.Then I hopped across the shared balcony and started banging on their bedroomwindow whilst brandishing the knife. It was Coleman and McCarthy. They startedscreaming like women and tried to phone the cops. That’s when I took the maskoff but when they saw it was me they were even more terrified. Martin said hewants to see me first thing in the morning. Probably to discuss the Sweden game.

Roy

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Arrived at our hotel this morning. Not impressed. The staff are...
(image)

Arrived at our hotel this morning. Not impressed. The staffare far too pleasant for a start. ‘Enjoy your stay Roy’, don’t tell me what to do! I’ll decidewhether or not I enjoy it. When I got to my room I noticed that they’d left atruffle on my pillow. I rang the reception and asked to speak to the manager. Ileft him under no illusions what I thought about the welcome treat, then I toldhim to remove the chocolates from the rooms of the Irish players and staff.Even Martin’s. We can’t have the players thinking this is some sort of holidaycamp. Typical FAI.

I told Martin I’d be mixing things up in training after the Belarus gameand he agreed. I thought the players needed toughening up. At the beginning ofour session this morning I got the players to form a circle around me and toldthem to attack me. ‘With the ball?’ asked McGeady. ‘No man, I want you all tocome at me’ I replied. Martin stepped in at this point and said we couldn’t affordany injuries and I saw his point. So instead the players spent thirty minutesbreaking planks of woods across my abdomen, to demonstrate the toughnessrequired at this level. John O’Shea said he didn’t have it in him to hitanother man with a weapon. I snatched it out of his hand and broke it over myown head, ‘Take that Keano’ I said.

I imposed a strict 7pmcurfew on the players. At 6.45pmthe players must report back to their rooms. 6.50pm pyjamas on and teeth brushed and then 7pm lights out. I thought I’d watch amovie when I got back to my room. Martin suggested the Lion King but cartoonsare for children and children are weak. The selection of movies was awful. Justwhat you’d come to expect of this hotel. Finally I settled on The Revenant.Didn’t like it. Thought the character in the film should’ve killed the bear alot sooner than he did. Then he made a meal of his injuries, which were mereflesh wounds. Then he lay on his lazy arse in that stretcher and let his teammates carry him for miles. That tells me he’s weak and he lacks character. Ileft an awful review on Rotten Tomatoes.

I heard some of the players whispering to each other likelittle school girls in the next room. Amateur stuff. ‘I’ll teach them a lesson’I thought. So I stuck on a balaclava and took a large knife out of the drawer.Then I hopped across the shared balcony and started banging on their bedroomwindow whilst brandishing the knife. It was Coleman and McCarthy. They startedscreaming like women and tried to phone the cops. That’s when I took the maskoff but when they saw it was me they were even more terrified. Martin said hewants to see me first thing in the morning. Probably to discuss the Sweden game.

Roy

Keano’s Diary.Arrived at our hotel this morning. Not impressed....
(image)

Keano’s Diary.

Arrived at our hotel this morning. Not impressed. The staffare far too pleasant for a start. ‘Enjoy your stay Roy’, don’t tell me what to do! I’ll decidewhether or not I enjoy it. When I got to my room I noticed that they’d left atruffle on my pillow. I rang the reception and asked to speak to the manager. Ileft him under no illusions what I thought about the welcome treat, then I toldhim to remove the chocolates from the rooms of the Irish players and staff.Even Martin’s. We can’t have the players thinking this is some sort of holidaycamp. Typical FAI.

I told Martin I’d be mixing things up in training after the Belarus gameand he agreed. I thought the players needed toughening up. At the beginning ofour session this morning I got the players to form a circle around me and toldthem to attack me. ‘With the ball?’ asked McGeady. ‘No man, I want you all tocome at me’ I replied. Martin stepped in at this point and said we couldn’t affordany injuries and I saw his point. So instead the players spent thirty minutesbreaking planks of woods across my abdomen, to demonstrate the toughnessrequired at this level. John O’Shea said he didn’t have it in him to hitanother man with a weapon. I snatched it out of his hand and broke it over myown head, ‘Take that Keano’ I said.

(image)

I imposed a strict 7pmcurfew on the players. At 6.45pmthe players must report back to their rooms. 6.50pm pyjamas on and teeth brushed and then 7pm lights out. I thought I’d watch amovie when I got back to my room. Martin suggested the Lion King but cartoonsare for children and children are weak. The selection of movies was awful. Justwhat you’d come to expect of this hotel. Finally I settled on The Revenant.Didn’t like it. Thought the character in the film should’ve killed the bear alot sooner than he did. Then he made a meal of his injuries, which were mereflesh wounds. Then he lay on his lazy arse in that stretcher and let his teammates carry him for miles. That tells me he’s weak and he lacks character. Ileft an awful review on Rotten Tomatoes.

I heard some of the players whispering to each other likelittle school girls in the next room. Amateur stuff. ‘I’ll teach them a lesson’I thought. So I stuck on a balaclava and took a large knife out of the drawer.Then I hopped across the shared balcony and started banging on their bedroomwindow whilst brandishing the knife. It was Coleman and McCarthy. They startedscreaming like women and tried to phone the cops. That’s when I took the maskoff but when they saw it was me they were even more terrified. Martin said hewants to see me first thing in the morning. Probably to discuss the Sweden game.

Roy

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