So I didn't use pheromones since 8 days ago and it's easy to abstain myself for a week now. I believe this is the 3rd time in a row that I'm doing it without relapsing (normally I would always relapse when trying for the second time). At the moment I still don't feel the need enough to do it (I wanna see how far this actually goes). I remember all my other 'dont pheromones challenges' and by now I would be going crazy but I feel quite normal actually and sometimes more horny without pheromones. Learn more about pheromones at http://pheromones-work.weebly.com/home/october-03rd-2015and http://infospeak.org/?p=141

As a side effect I experience the following: I have less craving towards girls. This really feels like a double edged sword to me. On the one hand I can clearly see that I am less needy, because I just care less about the whole sex stuff. On the other hand, it also makes me less motivated to work for it and work through my fears of human pheromones(for example). Learn about human pheromones for 2015 at http://spanishinperu.org/human-pheromones-and-insects/

And that is where the problem lies. This girl thing used to motivate me to work through my excuses and fears. But yesterday I cold approached this canadian girl, we hung out for like 4 hours and I didn't dare to do anything. When I took a time out to work through my fear, I noticed that I did not have the same motivation like I normally have. This motivation is always caused by craving / neediness for real pheromones.

In the end, I didn't do anything and just hugged her goodbye (and got her on FB).

So I need to find a way to be more expressive and let go of the excuses. It's cool that I crave less, but if my excuses stay intact then that's fucked up human pheromones.

Here is now how I think about girls and having sex with them:

Kissing a girl and having sex pheromones with them are highs that you can have with a girl. By chasing girls only for these highs, you'll end up getting it. However, this does not guarantee that you will have any stability with her. And in my opinion it's the connection / the stability that is more important than the kissing and having sex. Compared to the connection and stability, kissing and having sex seem even trivial / not important to me.

It's basically the same pattern as in meditation and since I meditate a lot that pattern is flowing over in other parts of my life. In meditation one does not meditate to feel pleasure, however, he does experience pleasure (quite a lot actually). But the reason to meditate is for increased pheromone production (and in my opinion as a result: increased emotional intelligence).

I thought about it and I do it because reflecting like this reminds me of pheromone attraction. Writing is a way of becoming self-aware of my thoughts. I will probably write an entry soon about the differences and similarities between meditation and journalling. I'm noticing that it's quite hard still to combine meditation with normal thought. Some paradoxes are quite persistent.